Caroline Ward is 31 and was diagnosed with Stage IIIc ovarian cancer in 2018 at the age of 28. She is originally from Georgia but currently lives in New Braunfels, Texas with my husband and dog. She is our second recipient of two to receive a $1,000 one-time grant from Humor Beats Cancer. We give these grants annually through the Maureen Clarke Grant Program to help cancer patients pay their expenses.
Here is my funny story which makes both my husband and I laugh to this day.
One day (pre-COVID) when I was feeling good, my husband and I decided to go see a movie. It was the final Avengers movie about two weeks after it had premiered, so it was still fairly popular and the theatre was busy.
Now, I have a colostomy because my ovarian cancer decided to pinch off my colon. For those of you who are not aware, ostomies can fart REALLY loudly and without warning, sounding almost exactly like a whoopee cushion. And there’s nothing the ostomate can do to stop or silence it.
So we’re in the theatre and have reached a major scene in the movie when a main character dies. The theatre is dead silent -- until a huge fart rips out of my ostomy JUST as the character gives their final breath and the life leaves their eyes.
Instead of sliding down my seat in shame, I just lean over to my husband and whisper, “I hear you void your bowels when you die.”
He about died laughing next to me, silently of course because we’re considerate theatre guests. You could not have timed that ostomy fart any more perfectly.