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Feels Like 'Gummy Bears'

Teresa Espinoza, from Chicago, was diagnosed on Sept. 26, 2019 with IDC Stage II and BRCA2+ breast cancer at age 41. Receiving a cancer diagnosis has been the hardest and worst journey so far and I really hope it’s the last of this beast that I will EVER have to battle!

In the midst of all the pain, fear, side effects I endured from surgeries and chemo, there is one memory that gets me laughing every time I remember it.

I opted for a double mastectomy with immediate implant reconstruction. What I didn’t know or maybe I did, but chose to forget, was that after all the swelling and healing has settled in, your new foobs (fake boobs) might not look the way we expect after the first surgery. Imagine my surprise when I came to terms that my new foobs were disproportionate. While it isn’t that noticeable unless you stare for quite some time, I noticed them every day and for me it was a big difference. One day I was having a conversation with my sister-in-law and I don’t recall exactly how we began to talk about my foobs. She asked me how they felt. I responded by asking her if she wanted to feel them. She quickly pressed on one and shouted “oh my God they feel like you’re squishing gummy bears!”

I guess that is a way to describe the feeling. I also mentioned to her that I still needed a revision as one settled bigger and lower than the other one. I could tell she was trying not to stare but how could you not after someone tells you that.

Her eyes moved from my chest to my eyes as not to make it very obvious as we continued with our conversation. I finally had to ask her if she could tell as she kept on staring. She blushed but quickly pointed to one and asked if that was it. Her expression was priceless, she was the first person to have touched my new boobs and now she was trying to come to terms with not only that, but the fact that now she knew that her sister-in-law had crooked boobs.

She laughed, but reluctant. It wasn’t until I started laughing that she realized that it is OK to laugh and began laughing as hard as I was.

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